A couple of nights ago, while looking at my calendar, I made a terrible – AWFUL – discovery.
I don’t go back to work on the eighth of November. I go back on the third. *Sobbing*
Okay, so I realise that’s only five days difference – but those five days seem like so much right now.
Um, wasn’t it just a couple of weeks ago that this happened?
I also realise that I’m actually very lucky – after all, I’ll be working from home and just three days a week.
None of that makes me feel any better though. I’m worried about how I’m going to juggle everything. I’m already having trouble keeping up with the housework – and what am I going to do if Pumpkin doesn’t sleep well one night or if she wants a cuddle when I’ve got a deadline looming? (The answer is she’ll get that cuddle!)
The laundry situation continues to be out of control. It’s actually even worse than when this was taken.
But there’s more to it too. I’ve enjoyed the last eight months so much and just don’t feel like I’m ready to go back. I’ll admit that part of that is because I’ve savoured my freedom. Sure, I’ve been at the beck and call of a tiny baby – but we could go somewhere or do something whenever we wanted – without being tied to an employer’s schedule.
Even managed a trip to America – although it was unplanned.
Play time, trips to the swimming pool, walks around town, afternoon naps in the big bed – we’ll still be able to do these things, but my time is going to be more regimented and I hate that some of my attention must be taken away from my beautiful little girl and instead focussed on a job that I’m not all that enamoured with anyway.
To top it off, going back to work is evidence of just how fast time is flying by. I really can’t believe that my newborn baby is quickly coming up on nine months old. That’s the length of pregnancy all over again – and the changes she’s gone through “on the outside” are almost as incredible as the ones “on the inside”.
Sure, growing from a single cell to a fully-fledged human being is pretty remarkable. But “on the outside,” she has developed from a wrinkly red bundle of cuteness to a little person with a personality, fine motor control and even some mobility.
She amazes me every day with her beautiful smile, curious nature and newfound skills. I want to freeze time so I can enjoy her just the way she is forever – but I also can’t wait to see what she does next and who she becomes.
I want to keep her wrapped up, protected from the world – from anger and heartbreak and coldness and injury – but I also want her to see all the amazing things that are out there. To feel joy and love, excitement and the warmth of the sun on a winter day.
Of course, it’s futile to wish that I could stop time or prevent her from feeling any negative emotion ever. So, on we go. And back to work I go too. At least it means our budget won’t be quite so tight each month. I’ll try to focus on that faint silver lining.
Have you returned from maternity leave? How did you handle it? Please share your experiences in the comments below. If you’re a work-from-home mum, I’d LOVE any advice you can give!
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I think most mums returning to work feel this however much they love their job.
My main concern was my commute (2 hour round trip) and how work would take to my slightly more flexible hours (just over 4 days over 5 days). I knew N would be fine at nursery.
Once you’re back, you just get into it. I didn’t really feel that I wanted to keep N a baby, as although I loved having him as a baby, really I prefer children once they’re a bit older. #pocolo
Ooh, the commute is the worst! I’m glad I don’t have to worry about that, but it’s still going to be rough. Thanks for the comment.
This makes me realise how lucky I am to be able to stay at home. I couldn’t face going back to work and leaving my baba so I feel your pain. You should be a proud mum doing everything you do and working. Well done x
Thanks for your lovely comment. It’s so hard knowing what the right thing is to do.
Great post. I had a year off with my twins and toward the end of my maternity leave I was looking forward to having some adult conversation again, but I can understand how you feel. Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky
The adult conversation might be nice, but I’d rather just focus on baby. Never expected myself to be like this… Thanks for the comment!
hi i can sympathise how you feel it must be tough time but be proud of yourself
Thanks for the lovely comment. I guess we can only do our best. Still nervous though!
I dreaded going back after maternity but after a couple of days back it was like I’d never been off. I did find my daughter picked up lots of bugs in her first few months in nursery and helpfully gave them on to me – something to watch out for!
I hope you’re right (about getting back to it without too much trouble – not the nursery bugs!) Thanks for the comment.
It’s tough, isn’t it? I was thinking about the fact my maternity leave was going too quickly and started having the knot in my stomach earlier on today… and I don’t go back until June! Enjoy your last three weeks with your little pumpkin (she looks adorable!).
It’s tough, isn’t it? No matter how prepared you think you are or how much you love your job, going back is never easy. I went back way too early after my first baby and I felt awful. He ended up being really happy with our childminder. Your little pumpkin looks adorable!
I wish ‘loving my job’ was part of it – I think that’s the worst part. Missing out on time with her for a job I don’t like. (sigh) Thanks for your comment. I like to think she’s pretty adorable too (but I am a bit biased!)
Oh no! Those five days would mean a lot to me too! I realised this week that if I go back to work after nine months I’m half way through 🙁 It’s so lovely not having a work schedule to stick to. Good luck, I’m sure it won’t be as bad as you think x
Thanks for your comment. It’s amazing how fast those 9 months go by (even faster than the actual pregnancy, I think!)
I was so lucky to be able to stay with Grace for so long but that is only because I was living with my Mum in the end. A change of routine is always difficult so I wish you all the best with the new one and I am sure it will get easier. Thank you for linking to PoCoLo 🙂 x
Thanks for your lovely comment. Fingers crossed it all works out. Eh, what’s the worst that could happen? I can’t cope and they fire me… meh… ha ha! that doesn’t sound so bad actually. 🙂 Thanks for the great linky too! Love it!