The adequate parent: taming toddler hair

A couple of weeks ago, my baby girl looked up at me and I suddenly realised how long her hair has gotten.

I think it might have grown about three inches overnight, because I’m sure it wasn’t that long the day before. Also, her adorable little bald patch where her head rubbed as she slept? It’s gone now too. All filled in

*Sniff* My baby has been replaced with a toddler. And she has her father’s unruly hair.

So, I decided try to tame her hair. The first step was to find some sort of suitable hair tie.

It turns out, however, that there are no hair accessories suitable for children under three.

But, I can’t NOT put up my child’s hair until she’s three. I mean, that’s just not realistic.

So, I changed tactics. I would find a hair product that seemed fairly unappetising – and therefore, unlikely to be swallowed.

I finally settled on a pack of stretchy-fabric bands. Surely these would be unpleasant to chew on (says the mother of the child who was caught picking old raisins out of the gaps in her shoes – seriously, I really do feed her!)

The ties were also brightly coloured – so, hopefully if one gets lost, it will be easier to find.

Seems reasonable, right?

I showed the pack of ties to Pumpkin, who was getting wiggly in her pram. “What do you think of these?” I asked her.

She gave me a grunt, followed by an angry get-me-out-of-this-chair twist. I took that to mean: “Yes, Mummy, that will do nicely. Now let’s go home.”

The next day, once breakfast was over and Pumpkin was entranced by the television – watching Frozen for the 90th time – I gathered up some supplies and started working on her hair.

So, it turns out that styling toddler hair is a LOT harder than it looks.

There’s the child who won’t hold still, the hair that needs some serious persuading to do something new, and these tiny little hair bands that are easy and fiddly to operate.

Surprise, surprise. All those adorable photos of toddlers with perfect hair on Pinterest? Yep, those are all lies. They must be.

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In the end, I managed to create the most pathetic pair of piggy tails you’ve ever seen.

Pumpkin didn’t seem to mind though – toddlers don’t care how they look. Especially when Frozen’s on the TV.

So, I decided to own my handiwork. She would be going out in public like this. Or, at least to the GP’s office down the street.

With a rare boost of mummy confidence, I got Pumpkin ready to go and, in the process, I almost forgot to fix my own hair, which was situated in a very messy pineapple top-knot. Thank you to whoever decided to put mirrors in lifts.

When we got to the GP, Pumpkin was desperate to get out and wander around the waiting room. And as she explored, I examined her hair again. It really was not good. The bunchies weren’t even. I’d missed a big chunk of hair and one of them was much more to the front than the other.

Then, it happened. Somebody made a comment on her hair.

But it wasn’t what I was expecting. It was a compliment! I managed to blurt out something along the lines of a “Thank you,” but I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard.

After the appointment, we headed home but made a quick detour through the shops. By the time we got up to the flat, both of the hair bands had fallen out.

But Pumpkin’s hair seemed to have changed its mind about not wanting to be in pig tails, because it more-or-less maintained its shape for the rest of the day.

Since then, I’ve been working on my technique, and I think I’m finally getting the hang of putting her hair up – at least in bunchies.

I did try a ponytail too, but she just doesn’t have enough hair for that yet.

Anyway, here are some tips:

• Distraction plus immobility – I usually try to do Pumpkin’s hair during breakfast. She’s strapped in to her high chair, so can’t run off. Plus, she’s busy thinking about eating her banana and watching whatever’s on the telly.
• Use a spray detangler – I love the Loreal one. It works a treat and smells delicious. As well as detangling, it makes it easier to control the hair.
• Start with the brush, then use the comb – The brush is good for moving hair into the right region, but the comb smooths everything down.
• Do each pig tail twice – The first set is like a rough draft. Once the basic structure is there you can go back and make improvements.
• Practice, practice practice – You’ll get better every time. Plus, your child will get used to the process too, so it will get easier.
• Don’t worry if it’s not perfect – After all, even if it was perfect, it wouldn’t stay that way for long. This is a toddler’s hair, after all!

So, after a few days of doing Pumpkin’s hair like this, we went to a Sing & Sign session. One of the mums commented on Pumpkin’s pig tails and I said how much difficulty I was having. That’s when I turned around to say hello to one of Pumpkin’s little classmates and her mum.

Then I felt like a proper idiot. Because little Elizabeth, at maybe ten months old, has the most beautiful set of cornrows. I was complaining about keeping my kid still for two-minutes to do her very-messy pigtails, when this little girl must have had her hair worked on for ages to get it like that.

*sigh*